A world of total solitary….. i need that badly

Yesterday, I saw my dad. I was very lucky to see my dad
while both my hubby and I were planning to go up to his house to catch a
glimpse of him. We went to library in AMK and while we were getting ready to
leave the place, we decided to see whether we could catch my father at his
place. While we were about to turn into the car park leading towards to my
dad’s block, my hubby saw my dad crossing the road. When I saw my dad, my heart
just dropped. I couldn’t believe what I saw. He looked so old, with white hair and
beard, looking so frail yet so strong, walking ever so slowly, hunched back. My
dear lord, what have you done to us??? Why do I have to go through such a life
without my dad beside me??? Tears flowed so freely from my eyes. I wish I could
run into this arms and cry so hard that no more tears can ever flow from me
anymore. But I couldn’t. My fate is so unlucky that I’ve got a dad that I love
more than anything in my life and yet I can’t reach out to him. Quickly, we
rode into the road, parked and I asked my hubby to go up to him and talk
something. He went up to my dad and asked him locations of a certain block in Malay.
Damn… My father spoke to him and he didn’t know where is the block. He’s
staying in AMK for over 20 years and for him not to know where is the block
shows me just how old has he become. One more month to endure this before my
hubby goes up to my dad and speaks to him. WHY one more month???? Because my
MOTHER is waiting for my dad’s CPF money to come in. And my hubby told her that
after that, he would be talking to my dad about me and certain other things. I
miss my dad so much and my heart has been aching a lot since I saw him. I love
my dad no matter what has happened. Because he’s not to be blamed at all. But I’m
praying to God that its not too late before April comes. Because, he’s looking
so old, I’m afraid anything might happen to him.

Having a dad yet I’m unable to love him as how I want to
makes me such an unlucky person. I envy those who have at least one of their parent
with them. I dun need my mother. All I want is my dad and I’ll be the most
happiest daughter in this world wide world. If I have a son, I’ll name him
after my dad. At least then, I get to live and love my dad thru my son.

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