A world of total solitary….. i need that badly

La la its Valentines day…. So many flower will be in so many ladies hands. Well, some ppl dun celebrate this day for thier own personal reasons. Humphz, for me i’m nuetral. As long as i have love for my man, every moment is valentine for me…. yeah actually its the thought that counts you see. Even if you dont have cash and maybe you are totally broke , its ok. A simple wish with a kiss on the cheek will do i guess. There’s more to life than jus this day for me. My valentine is going to be with me lifelong so i can make it up to him some day when i’m loaded with extra cash to splash on stuffs. I know for some its an important day for eg. anniversary. For me, this is the day i met my man 2 years back. Yeah. I met him on valentines day in 2005. It was supposed to be a casual meet up thingy but i fell in love with him at first sight. It takes only a few seconds for some to be a believer of LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. And i’m one of them.

Happy Valentines day wishes to everyone.

Cheers

Finally, i have finished the vow that i made for Acchaa four to five years ago. Well, the best part of all these was when i was about to start my prayers, i saw thiru walking right in front of me…. What a conincidence ehh! I mean i was fulfilling my last year of vow to Muruga for his bro and there he was in front of me. Yeah, yeah, he saw me and came back once again in front of me to see me again!!! Humphz, i’m glad all went well. It was more crowded this year compared to last year. And i saw so many faces that were all so familiar to me…. Haha, i saw Suchi Anna, Thiru, and many others. Some were faces that has to be ignored for reasons that cannot be explained. Some were faces that needs to be faced to throw some reality check into their damned faces!!!! Sam, Lekshu, Siva, Kaivtha, Siva’s sweet mom and and my sweet hubby were all there for the prayers. It was a long wait at the tank road temple but it was all done smoothly. I saw Miss Vasantham next to our group. She was looking like a next door sarakku. Couldnt recognise her. HEEE…. well, i have told my hubby that i’m going to carry on my prayers every year after our marriage. So after next year, its going to be a bit different from my past three years. I’ll be taking two pots in future. I jus love doing these kinda stuffs cos this is how i feel closer to God and i feel peace in these times. Of course, you can see all those weird idiots who comes to make a big fat fool out of themselves. But anyway, thats how they wanna enjoy themselves.

In the evening, we were together with the rest of the click standing opp Seledie to watch others. There were, Dinesh and Alice, Anita and Anna, Sam and Kavitha, Cat, Alice group of frens, Patrick Uncle, Michelle, Sorrya and Gopal who joined us later, Dinesh uncle and his family. All of us were standing at the roadside to cheer on for the other devotees. As usual the guys were topping up on thier energy intake. And we were cheering on for all those devotees who were passing by us. Man, what a great time i had. I jus freaked out with Patrick Uncle, Anna, Dinesh, Sam and my hubby. Gheesh, i’ve never had so much of fun in Thaipusam in my life. We were getting the guys to beat some music and we will join in to sing and dance for whoever’s Kavadi(s). After which, when the last Kavadi passed us by, we were all disturbing the Oorus and Ang Moh ppl… The brothers were all bullshitting the oorus saying that thier from this Tv la. Gosh, they even told the Ang Moh that its Murugan’s 21st Birthday…. Aiyoh aiyoh… *bang my head on the wall* These bros jus know how to bull all the way la…. Haha, looking forward to another year….

Recently, i blogged in my frenster account about an indian woman’s outraged video clipped that has been the talk of the town. Well it has sparked two particular frens of mine to write compositions about it in my comments column. *winks* It was real long. I expected small comments on it but those two comments came as a surprise to me. I have to say, thier arguments were well said from both point of views. Haha, well well, it was fun reading it. I spoke about this to mu hubby and he was saying "You ppl who blog have so much of free time ah!!!" My sis even messaged me personally to say that what i had done was very wrong. Well, what i would to say are a few things,

1) What i blog is my interest, what i feel like writting. I guess i dun need to get anybody’s approval on my writtings. Its my own risk i take to blog. I had a few ppl telling me i shouldnt have done this and that. What they should understand is nobody has the rights to tell anyone on what they should blog and what they shouldnt.

2) I asked many ppl including my Angels sisters and Umbro Devils brother about my entry on the blog. So far a few of my frens came back to me. Thier views on my blog were different but all of them had one thing common to tell.

"Its your blog and u hv d right to write ever u wan there… n they haved the rights to post thier comments there" They cannot be telling u what to write n not to write… its ur views which u r posting n not some story telling based on a fixed title…

This is jus from one person i spoke to. There were many comments from many others but i’m jus too lazy to write.

Well, all i can say is that what i blogged much better of than the ones that i’ve researched and read!!!

Recently, you guys must have heard about the video clip thingy about a fellow Indian involved in it. Well, i blogged about it and i received many comments on it. I received many comments on it. When i read Rekha’s comments, i wanted to say a few things about it. First of all, i was more inspired to write about that blog due to the reason that she is bringing shame to the Indian community and not because I’m very ‘Kaypo’ about her personal issues!!! Whatever she wants to do in her personal life is her damned farking problem. Who she sleeps with and gives blow job is her damned issues. But pls keep it as a personal stuffs, not publishing it to the public like this. I dun give damn how this video clip got to the public because she should have thought about it before getting down to do it!!! If she had her own kid doing that, i dun think she would be feeling proud about this!!!! Even a prostitute wouldn’t wanna have herself videoed and be sent around to everyone!!! Is this what our Indian culture taught us all? Is this what our parents taught us to do? Being educated doesn’t only means for good job and certificates, but also to have some sense of good morales!!! Guess, her education din give her that…. This is how i feel and i feel that being an Indian, she should be told off!!!

That was what the video’s tittle was!!! When i opened it, OH MY GOD…. It was this well known artiste from Vasantham central facing me, half-naked, say things that can barely be heard. From the way she was mumbling and her appearance, i can say only one thing. And that is she’s being videoed while having sex…. Well, initially, i didn’t want to believe that its her… I kept asking my friends many times whether its really her or some impostor is pulling our legs. But, nope!!! Its def her. No doubts about that. I mean, i know this kinda stuffs been happening lately and it was even published in the papers last year. But i didn’t expect our own race to be involved in this shameful thing. We are considered to be the most smallest group in this city. Whatever we do, it will def be known to others very soon. And having done such a thing and now that its being publicized, i wonder if the lady knows anything about this and if she does, i wonder how she’s going to face her family and friends. I’ve nothing against her at all. In fact, i do like her performances. But to be involved in such activities, its unspeakable. Let your private life to be yours to see. Why wanna publish it. We are a small community. Its in our hands to bring our community good name into the society and being an artiste, its expected out of you more than the others. An artiste is somehow the mirror reflection of our culture, community and such. How will her family and friends feel now? Have she thought about all that. No excuse can be acceptable for this. I’m very much ashame of what i saw. This blog was inspired by my friend who asked me about this. I did not share this video to anyone cos i find it embarrassing. But when my friend told me about she knowing this and that she received this thru email, i guess almost everyone of us will know. I hope this would be very last to happen in our society and also among other races. Its not nice at all to be seeing this video clips because one day we’re all going to be parents. What will it be then when maybe one of our children’s video is being circulated? How will we feel as parent of that child? I pray to God that our youngsters mindset will change and they will be more aware of their doings.

I have been totally disgusted with the behaviour of Singaporeans for sometime now! I mean, whatever happened to the clean and green campaign!!! I only remember seeing those when i was in primary school. Nowadays, the importance of the clean and green week is of no more! Yes, i’ve posters here and there scattered scarcely over the island. But thats not enough for our country i guess. Esp with Singaporeans! They need constant push by someone to make sure that their country is clean. How can we be talking about going global when we cant even handle our county’s environment and some other small issues. I know we r considered to be better then India or other neighbouring countries but still that should not be an excuse for us to be sitting down and waiting for the cleaners to pick up after our shit. I for one believe that its how we were brought up that displays our attitude towards our country. I was brought up in the strictest environment, Gracheaven. We were told each and everyday without fail how to keep ourselves clean and be responsible. I think if this is our own home, we would not want rubbish to be lying everywhere. I guess that some ppl are jus being very ignorant about thier surrounding. It starts from your own home and neighbourhood. Then, it can be brought to national level. Its not a matter of tourists or other nations to congratulate us for being clean!!! Not at all. We shoukd feel proud that we are clean and this is our home for us to be responsible. Everyone of us should stop reciting Our Singapore, Our Home and start practising it for once. I believe all Singaporeans, at least most of us are educated to know that littering is not a good thing. For me, even its my hubby littering, i would stop him and tell him off that that is wrong. I believe we’ll have the rights to stop others from littering Singapore. Cos this is our Home too. If everyone were to mind our own business, then whatever will happen to Singapore.

This is not the only issue that i face nowadays. There’s many more issues in Singapore thats making wanna feel so disgusted being a Singaporean. Esp the service sector… Haiz, if i wanna start, i wont end la. It’ll jus continue to many pages. But i feel that we Sinagporeans are not taking our stand as a citizen in this issues. I feel we lack the unity in more than one way.

I know we have achieved lots in these few years. But i think we have to slow down to see the smaller details and rectify the problems of that before it becomes big enough to pull us down together. i hope things will improve for the better.

"In marriage we marry a mystery, an other, a counterpart. In a sense the person we marry is a stranger about whom we have a magnificent hunch. The person we choose to marry is someone we love, but his depths, his intimate intricacies - we will come to know only in the long unraveling of time. We know enough about our beloved to know that we love him, to imagine that, as time goes on, we will come to enjoy him even more, become even more of ourselves in his presence. To our knowledge we add our willingness to embark on the journey of getting to know him, of coming to see him, even so wonderfully more. Swept up by attraction, attention, fantasy, hope, and a certain happy measure of recognition, we agree to come together for the mysterious future, to see where the journey will take us. This companionship on life’s journey is the hallmark of marriage, its natural province, its sweetest and most primal gift. In promising always, we promise each other time. We promise to exercise our love, to stretch it large enough to embrace the unforeseen realities of the future. We promise to learn to love beyond the level of our instincts and inclinations, to love in foul weather as well as good, In hard times as well as when we are exhilarated by the pleasures of romance. We change because of these promises. We shape ourselves according to them; we live in their midst and live differently because of them. We feel protected because of them. We try some things and resist trying others because, having promised, we feel secure. Marriage, the bond, makes us free to see, to be, to love. Our souls are protected; our hearts have come home." Marriage has made me changed alot… I used to share my food with him but now no!!! *winks* he keeps taking away my food!!!! Actually, my hubby had taught me alot… He made me realise how to accept changes and how to deal with everyday stuffs too. And he is the reason why i’ve started to save too. And there’s one thing he had asked me to do so but i cant and that is to forgive…. I feel that i was hurt unreasonably… And i’m yet to come to the stage of forgiving my past.

i m rotting in the office

Man, i dun know when was the last time i had so much of enjoyment and laughter in my life… Last weekend, both of us went out with a bunch of great ppl to JB for two days… I know there’s going to be fun but i didnt expect that much of fun loaded in the package… Those ppl were all frens of my hubby and now i’ve become their fren too.. I was blasted away by their way of enjoyment and fun and jokes… We were all couples and only one bachelor in the group.. I am now looking forward for the next gathering with them and i guess its going to be more laughter the next time… I am glad i got to know these group of frens and i have to thank the God for it…

Gathering at my place on Sunday went off nicely too. Though the both of us were like super tired, we managed to pull thru it… Everyone came and had a fun time too…. The only set back was in the late night. The new dog that we are baby sitting bit my bro-in-law’s hand and my hubby got very mad with it…. So he scolded the dog and becos of that the dog got frightened. He pissed all over the house and shit too… Haiz, middle of the night i had to clean up the entire house again…. Sian la…

Other than that, i will never forget this weekend… And i’m looking to next weekend too. Cos next weekend, we’re going to spend the eve of christmas with our good fren and his wife to be… Andy. Hmm, i need to get present cos we’ll be exchangin gifts too… Yeah, looking forward already. Cant wait for the weekend to come…. Merry christmas to evereyone by the way…..

I feel so stranded inside this body of mine… I feel that the world is crushing down on me. I feel so caught up everything i am doing. I feel so pushed up the wall. I feel that the whole world is an alien to me. I feel like a foreign person to my own self. I dun know what happened to the stronger Guna but i can feel that she’s not here right now… I feel so tired of life that i wont be able to take in anymore of everything that is happening around… Life is so full of stuffs. Yes its such a big thing that we shouldn’t give up. I have so much to say and cry for.. Ever since 02 April 2006…. So many things happened and so many things i came across…. So many different kind of ppl and characters. I make mistake too but sometimes in those mistakes it takes 2 to do…. Whatever i m writting here is jus coming out straight from my heart… So it may be offline abit from what i m talking about.. *lol* i cant even explain myself anymore… Haiz, life is so unpredictable la…. Thats why they say life is a box of chocolate, u will never know what u gonna get…. It seems so true now then ever….. Hmm, if only i can get someone to listen to me and tell me, ‘Ya guna, you have every right to feel this way’ "Even i would feel such a way" You get what am i saying… jus agree with me instead of telling me what i m supposed to do and not supposed to do…. Life has to be lived no matter what… No one can deny that… When my ex left me, i took upon me not to cry anymore for anything and even if its too much to handle, i should only shed one tear…. Not more than that… Well, it seems to me that i took it very hard upon myself that vow that now nowadays no matter how hard i try to cry, the tears jus dont seem to come out at all. I feel so bottled up like a shaked champgne bottle… If the pressure is uncontrollable, its going to jus burst out and break the bottle… Thats exactly how i am feeling right now!!!!!!!